His Crazy Faithfulness

Hi loves, 

I promise, I promise - I am still a blogger. The past few months have been a whirlwind of things from weddings, repaired friendships, learning the art of patience, completing my first  year of graduate school, fulfilled promises, healed wounds, moving to a new city, and entering into a relationship. 

He. Is. Crazy. Faithful 

I heard Heather Lindsey say these words over 4 years ago as God beckoned me to draw closer after I tried finding purpose in things that failed me. 

For me, these past few months have greatly shown me how beautiful God is and how marvelous His works are. I've learned that I can't walk by my emotions, the things I can or cannot see, circumstances, thoughts, the reactions of others. Honestly, close to three years ago, I was in a period where I didn't understand why certain things happened in many aspects of my life. It was downright frustrating because the way I envisioned my life was NOT how it was working out. Yes, I recognized I was blessed in certain aspects, but I couldn't see how God was working in my life. When I made the choice to wholeheartedly follow Jesus, I didn't realize God would take me on a faith journey.

I am literally in awe at how God has opened many doors that I thought closed in my face three years ago. None of this is because I am more "blessed" or because I did the "right" things, I realized that it is simply because God calls us to truly and fully lay every situation at His feet. It means believing for that next step even when you can't even fathom how to maneuver. Three years ago, I used to cry myself to sleep not understanding why I was called to do a certain job, live in a certain city, make new friends, find a new church, anxiously wait as a single woman.

I just want to encourage one person to believe in His faithfulness. No matter how big the vision, how crazy the promise, or how delayed these things may seem - trust that His faithfulness is soooo crazy that He and He alone can make these things work out. He does these things NOT for me or for you, but for HIS purpose and His glory. None of these things are about me. Yes, I may be happy, but I ultimately want to lay them back at His feet for Him to do His will with them <3 . Friends, this isn't about us - it is about giving the Kingdom so much glory with our lives, jobs, relationships, hobbies. 

 Trust that yes, even though a dream, vision, or a promise may seem a little irrational, nothing is impossible with His crazy faithfulness <3

Beauty Reviews in 3s (#1 - Giorgio Armani, Lancôme and NARS)

Giorgio Armani Luminessence CC Cream  - I always have a hard time saying no to lightweight, sheer bases. Tinted moisturizers, BB Creams, CC Creams, Sheer foundations, whatever you want to call them, I'm all in. I stumbled upon the Giorgio Armani Luminessence CC Cream about a month ago and immediately needed it. This product claims to give skin a "well rested appearance", make the complexion look more radiant, protect with SPF 35, color correct, and is infused with "an energizing antioxidant complex that's enriched with jojoba and macadamia nut oils" (Sephora). I have this in the shade number 6, which I initially thought would be too dark for me, but is actually perfect. If you are familiar with Mac foundation shades, I range between an NC35 and NC40, for reference. However, that is one of my cons for this product; there are only 6 shades, 6 of course being the darkest. I'm not dark skinned at all, so for this to be the darkest shade is quite frankly a shame. A wider range of people should be able to experience how lovely this product actually is, from the palest to the darkest skins, but I digress. The texture of this cream is smooth and thin which makes it easy to apply. I apply this with the Real Techniques Buffing Brush to really work this into the skin. Then I use the Real Techniques Stippling Brush to build up more product where I want more coverage. Even though this is a sheer to light coverage cream, I find that it color corrects and builds nicely, whilst never getting cakey or heavy on the skin. I have hyper-pigmentation on my cheeks due to past breakouts (thank you hormones) and I'm really pleased with how much this evens out my skin tone. It's not perfect, but I'm not aiming for perfection. I just want my skin to look like a healthier, more even toned version of what it is, and this product does just that. This CC cream is also luminous, as the name would suggest, without being shiny or greasy. I have oily skin, but I prefer bases that are luminous because I find them to be more natural and youthful looking. This product does not exacerbate my oiliness. I do have to blot a little throughout the day, but I have to do that with everything, so I'm not bothered. Also, for such a lightweight base, this lasts quite a while on the skin. I can wear it for an entire work day without it breaking down oddly or going away in patches. It does breakdown, but it somehow just evenly wears away, and on me, only towards the end of my day (keep in mind that I ALWAYS set any base with a powder to extend longevity). This doesn't accentuate dryness, or highlight imperfections. It just looks like skin and feels as if I'm not even wearing makeup. In other words, it never feels heavy or uncomfortable. It's lightly scented, but nothing cloying or overwhelming. The scent is light and fresh and does not linger. I could go on about this product for ages, but I'll spare you. Let me leave you with this, since purchasing this, it's the only foundation/tinted moisturizer/base product I want to reach for and it's actually become one of my favorites. This is pricey at $55 for a 1.01 ounce tube and I was fortunate to find my shade on eBay for quite a bit less (never underestimate ebay!). To be honest, once I run out of this I wouldn't hesitate to pay full price. It really is that lovely.

Lancôme Tonique Radiance Clarifying Exfoliating Toner - I go through toner like a crazy person. I use it morning and night so every few months I need to purchase a new bottle. I was in a toner rut and wanted to try something new and stumbled upon Lancôme Tonique Radiance. Let me just be upfront. I DESPISE this product! There is not a thesaurus large enough to help me describe how much I hate, loathe, abhor, this toner. This claims to "help support natural cell turnover to improve skin tone, texture and clarity." Oh, how thee sits on a throne of lies! The only thing this toner gave me was cystic acne. No kidding, my skin broke out in these painful, large, cystic bumps. Just what I want, little Mount Fujis resting on my face. NOT! I had such high hopes for this, because overall, it has high reviews. I don't know what it is, but my skin really did not get along with this product. It is heavily fragranced, which I initially didn't care for. It also has such a high alcohol content that it's almost eye-watering. For a $26 product I'm expecting something more than fragranced alcohol. Now, I'm not the biggest fan of alcohol in toners, but it is quite common and I have used some that my skin really gets on well with. Hey, if it works, it works. I can overlook the ingredients. I have used $6 toners from the drugstore that actually treat, and prevent breakouts, unlike this spawn of Satan. Save your pennies and look elsewhere people. Don't be suckered in by the luxurious packaging and fancy French. This little guy is like a wolf in sheep's clothing. 
I could probably use the remaining product that I have as a weapon. Don't even try to kidnap me. I've got Tonique Radiance in my purse and I'm not afraid to pour it on you! "It burns us, Precious!"

NARS Translucent Crystal Light Reflecting Setting Powder (Pressed) - Let's end on a positive note, shall we? I was searching for a setting powder that was lightweight, not mattifying, but still properly set my makeup without altering the finish of whatever base I wore underneath. For a while, my holy grail setting powder was the Rimmel Stay Matte , but I actually find it to be too heavy looking on my skin. I have very soft skin that can easily look overdone. Powders can especially look cakey on my face. I kept hearing wonderful thing about this NARS Ridiculously Long Name Powder but shied away from it for a while because of the price. I mean, $37 for a powder? I THINK NOT! But I was really getting fed up with the Rimmel looking heavy on me (still holy grail underneath the eyes though, peeps. This is a good powder. Go get you some.) and did a little eBay search. WHAT?! $24!? Yes, please. Put it in my cart. Mail it to me and then get on my face. Seriously, one of the best $24 in makeup spent. This powder is so lightweight, when I apply this I can't even see it on my powder brush and it feels like I'm sweeping nothing on my skin. It doesn't mattify the skin, so the integrity of the finish of whatever base this is applied over isn't completely compromised. This is literally invisible on the skin. But when I touch my face after application I can feel that my makeup has been properly set. I get the same longevity with this product as I do with the Rimmel Stay Matte and I don't get shiny or oily any sooner than I normally would with the Stay Matte. The Rimmel sets makeup well and does offer good oil control, though I still need to blot with it. I get the same benefits with the NARS powder without my makeup looking heavy. If you are weary of face powders. but still want to set your makeup to increase its wear time, I highly recommend that you look into this little gem by NARS. It is really something exceptional and it has become my absolute favorite face powder. NARS, you've done it again. You've reached into my wallet and took my money and I don't regret it one bit. I say, "Take it again!"

Always, 

Alana 

Same Jacket and Shoes - Two Different Ways

Hi everyone! I hope your first week of the year was marvelous! Mines has been really great so far and I am so excited to see what God will do in my life. I am learning to listen, embrace a quiet spirit, and accepting the change<3

This weekend I really flocked to a certain jacket and heels. My mom purchased a AEO moto jacket from Marshalls a few years ago for $15 dollars and it's been a huge staple in my closet. I purchased a pair of nude heels a few months back at the J.Crew Clearance Center in Lynchburg. 

As you all know, I haven't been buying clothes over the last few months. I promised myself that I would experiment with the clothing I already have. With the exception of 4 staple items from Gap, I successfully achieved just that. 

This weekend, I helped throw a bridal shower for a long time friend. I am incredibly happy for her and it was such a blessing to celebrate her. I decided to wear red to match the colors of bridal shower.

For the bridal shower, I paired the jacket and  heels with a striped shirt I purchased 3 or 4 years ago from Aeropostale and a Mario Serrani full skirt that I purchased from Marshalls last winter! I absolutely love this skirt. It fits well and doesn't swallow me hahaha. 

In addition, I wore my Ann Taylor Pearlized Crystal Statement Necklace , which I purchased last winter for super cheap (around 22 dollars). It is currently on sale for 50% off on the website. 

Today, I switched it up for church! I wore my chambray top from The Loft which I purchase two years ago, my American Eagle ripped jeggings which were a gift from my lovely sister:) In addition, I wore a cheetah print belt courtesy of my mother's closet. 

I really love how versatile this jacket and heels are! They really add style to anything you put on. In addition, these two outfits really manifest power of staple clothing items. All of these items (with the exception of the belt) were purchased over the span of 4 years and they can be worn many different ways and in many different occasions.  I am learning that I don't have to purchase clothes every month. My lifestyle has changed since I've been in graduate school and I no longer have a full-time job. In this season of my life, my personal style comes from utilizing what's around me and being creative. 

Thanks for stopping by and reading <3 

xoxo,

Tonyette

& Me

Esther saved her people.

Hannah made a vow.

Mary birthed the King of Kings.

Ruth was a loyal friend.

I just wanted to stop by and tell a little of my story for the And Me, which is a campaign created by Kellee and her husband Dave. I've been following their story since Jan 1, 2015 after their elopement was posted on Munaluchi Bride's instagram. I was  deeply inspired for their love for Jesus and one another. When Kellee announced this campaign in December, I jumped at the opportunity to purchase one for my sis and I! I posted a picture in this shirt last week at Intervarsity's Urbana 2015 in St. Louis, but I didn't have an opportunity to tell my story in the midst of the packed week. Right now, I want to take the time to tell a little of my testimony. 

And Me? Me? Apart of God's story?

If you would've asked me this between Fall 2009 to 2011, I would have laughed in your face. Though I was raised as a Christian, I quickly forgot about God's sovereignty and pursued a life for myself. In college, I pursued things that I thought would give me power and status. I found my identity in great grades, guys, friends, my body/looks and what others thought of me.  I created idols out of these things and my heart was so hardened to God's voice. 

Even then, God still beckoned for me. In Fall 2011, those idols began to crash. I found myself in a whirlwind of confusion. One of my majors challenged me and I wasn't making perfect grades. I attended parties with the intentions of finding the perfect guy. I still didn't feel like I fit in with anyone. I had the hardest time wondering who I was supposed to be friends with on a mostly white campus. I gained and lost weight so fast. I walked around in a fog not knowing that I suffered from depression.I experienced so much emotional turmoil that I couldn't think straight. That winter break, I looked myself in the mirror and I vowed that a change had to occur. I knew I couldn't continue life that way. During that next semester, I joined a local church in Charlottesville and I started attending Intervarsity Christian Fellowship's Oneway chapter. For the first time, I found myself listening to the Word of God. In addition, I created friendships with people who truly loved me. 

During the Summer of 2012, I experienced another idol crashing down. Due to my concern with others' opinions, I took a job I shouldn't have taken. In those moments, I clearly knew I couldn't live at the hand of man-made items and fickle people/emotions. That summer, I spent every night and day studying the Bible. I deleted so much of my old music because I realized the lyrics shaped my thoughts. I started listening to Mali Music and Kari Jobe constantly. That summer I learned that I was God's and I was fearfully and wonderfully made. 

Since then, I have experienced so much peace, love, and joy in my heart. God has provided me with amazing friendships, restored relationships with family, career plans, purpose. I was once was lost...He found me. I wasn't perfect. Quite frankly, I was a hot mess as we say in the South haha. He met me there and changed my life so much in one year. I spent years creating a life for myself and God has orchestrated so many beautiful happenings in my life. I am grateful for the manifestations of some and I can't wait to share others very soon. 

So I just like Esther, Hannah,  Mary, and Ruth, I too am apart of this beautiful, amazing, joyful redemptive story. I am in this beautiful lineage. Every morning I wake up, I embrace it.. I live it...it fuels me.  

Sisters, brothers....you are apart of this story AND guess what? it doesn't matter where you are. It takes a willing heart and God will transform your life. 

At Urbana 15, David Platt delivered an amazing message. He said, "This is the life that counts - a life in love with Christ. Does your heart belong to Christ?"

All of these things....grades...people...plans...money...parties...cars....organizations....they don't matter. Yes, they complement you, but they don't identify you. Those things crumble, your identity is what stands. 

What story will you tell with your life? What identifies you? 

Please know you are already made precious. 

Take care!

xoxo,

Tonyette 

PS,

Want to talk? 

Email me at trw8aw@virginia.edu or follow me/ DM me on Instagram @speak_yoursoul 

Don't forget to breath

So after 3 weeks of chaos including three projects, two papers, two presentations, two finals, two counseling self evals, one research conference presentation, one 25th birthday, one (nasty) cold, I am finally finished with my first semester of graduate school. 

I can't say I was incredibly stressed like I was in undergrad because I know I am fulfilling my purpose. BUT I took it incredibly serious because I want to be the best school counselor I can be for my future students and I am paying for this education.  This semester, we've wrestled with a lot of hard topics including : poverty, school to the prison pipeline, tracking, gender inequity, ethics etc. Throughout this season, I was balancing all of these topics and I realized -  crap - I'm going to be responsible for these kids. By mid November, I spent a lot of time in tears and frustrations. NOT because I didn't think I could do it, but because I knew I needed to see the hard stuff to see my role. I knew I had to balance each piece of this profession. 

But you know...it wasn't until I breathed that I felt like could juggle
 each piece of this journey. I am being pruned and shaped for this position. 

Funny how the last four weeks are representative of life's struggles. We may get so bogged down in the many roles we have, the weight of the responsibilities...that we forget to breath.  We forget to see that the challenges we are facing or the journey we are taking are ultimately transforming us for the next step in life. We get caught up in the busyness of life...we don't breath, pause, and reflect.

Today, I randomly attended a yoga class and for the first time in three years, I finally appreciated the fullness of my breathing. Instead of focusing on my instructor twisting us into pretzels, I listened to her cues for breathing in and breathing out. I controlled my breathing....one...two...three...breath in....one...two...three...breath out. I felt the rise and fall of my chest...the expansion of my belly. Before I knew it, my mind was incredibly still. I didn't focus on the challenging poses, I focused on my breathing.  It was empowering to be in tune with the very faculty that gives us the blessing of life everyday.

Yes...the three weeks of chaos came and went. I definitely learned a great deal about balancing the great deal of information. Finals week(s) reminded me that it won't get easier. Life will throw many responsibilities and challenges at me. Life will throw many responsibilities and challenges at you. How will we deal? I will suggest sitting down to think about what makes you happy. Create a wellness plan for dealing with craziness and busyness (#selfcare) AND stick with it. 

Don't sacrifice your well-being for work and things that will always be there.

Instead,
    pause
    care for yourself
    and...
    don't forget to breath <3 

“The Lord Almighty has sworn, ‘Surely, as I have planned, so it will be and as I have purposed, so it will stand.’” — Isaiah 14:24

#tbt

Today,  I am reflecting on how far I've come as a person. The other day I rambled through my jewelry to find this lovely necklace. I begged my parents for a gold nameplate necklace when I was 14. I was obsessed with the nameplate earrings, rings, belt....and I am not ashamed to say I've owned each one of them in my life. The belt is definitely hiding in my closet, but I have all the others in my possession.

I haven't worn this necklace in about 3 years. I wore it briefly as an undergrad, but I stopped wearing it because I felt like it was a fad that no one followed anymore.  Thanks to my mom, she kept it in safe possession and it moved with me in August.

This necklace reminds me of a few things.  I am obsessed with names and labels. I believe there is something so special about a name/label. Even though we don't have much choice over our names at birth, we have the ability to embody those names or tag on definitions. My first name is completely made up lol. I love it though because it carries a piece of my dad. His name is Tony and it is rumored that I may have been named Tony Reginald for a few days. I am so glad my mom tagged on the -ette hahaha.  Good try dad!

I am also reminded of the labels I've embodied as a woman. I have not always seen myself in the most positive light. I've struggled with my personality, my nerdiness, my height, my body shape, my skin...I labeled myself as an outcast. For me, I am so glad that I embody a label that is so much deeper than the eye can see. I am free, redeemed, His, called out, not condemned. Due to the sweet love of my Father and His Son,  my identity is strong and anchored <3. 

This necklace also reminds me of my 14 year old self <3  I was an ambitious, passionate, and spunky little girl. Even though there has been a lot of challenges along the way, I am reminded of the girl who wanted to go to college and change the world. I am grateful for her bravery and resiliency and it has laid a foundation for how I identify and live my life now.

I turn 25 in less than a month and I am so thankful. Today I am choosing hold tight to that young girl and live golden like the shininess reflected off my necklace.

I am golden
        loved
        blessed
        favored

I am Tonyette 

Fall reminders // grow up & strong and embrace your hue

Hi everyone! 

It's been a while since I've posted - graduate school has been really hectic. I finally had some moments tonight where I intentionally took some time for myself. Over the past two weeks, I have been battling with what type of student I was and who I am now.  In undergrad here at UVA, there was definitely this mentality among college students that you have to forsake so much of yourself for the sake of making  a grade. I now know I am much more than a grade and my major. I now know that I am called to be a student for this season. I am Tonyette and I happen to be a graduate student. BUT, I am not defined by it - I define WHY I am here and WHAT I will do with my degree.

 In 2011, I definitely sacrificed my peace in order to be perfect and I blinked and the season changed. I literally....missed....Fall that year. I don't remember what happened, I just remember being in my thoughts and my world. I don't really remember much about anything, I was in a fog. While I am now able to label what happened to me as depression, I believe my actions and striving kept me from truly taking in the little moments of life. I was incredibly sad that I let my favorite season move past me.

 Although my memory was hazy, I remember one event that gave me a sense of hope and stillness. I attended Trick or Treating on the Lawn and as I watched happy children, dogs, and families, I was reminded of the beauty of human connection and love. I remember snapping photos of the entire lawn and I went back to that photo to remind myself to be still. 

On Friday I attended this event and I reflected on my life journey and growth. I laughed with my amazing classmates and witnessed the beauty of human connection and love. I saw the creativity manifested in the costumes and the love in the eyes of parents as they watched their children. The weather was crisp and cool and I felt the crunch of the leaves beneath my feet. Overall, Friday evening reminded me to be still and cherish the moments.

Fall is such a special season for me. It marks a time when I reflect on the last few weeks before my birthday. The scarves, boots, and tights become my besties. Most of all, the colors of the trees remind me of growth and change.  I find it amazing that trees just grow, they don't possess the means for comparison- they grow up and strong. In the fall, each tree is a different color - red, orange, gold, yellow, brown, burgundy, etc. They grow amongst one another, yet they are vastly different. 

I can't help to think that is the way we should look at the world.  Instead of comparing ourselves to the next person, what if we could grow up and strong and embrace our different hues? What if we happily watched our friends and family flourish as we thrive as well?

Don't allow life's circumstances or personal goals to stop you from seeing what is happening around you. Don't allow yourself to blink another moment without being present. 

May your joy be palpable. 

Trick or Treating on the Lawn 2015