His Crazy Faithfulness

Hi loves, 

I promise, I promise - I am still a blogger. The past few months have been a whirlwind of things from weddings, repaired friendships, learning the art of patience, completing my first  year of graduate school, fulfilled promises, healed wounds, moving to a new city, and entering into a relationship. 

He. Is. Crazy. Faithful 

I heard Heather Lindsey say these words over 4 years ago as God beckoned me to draw closer after I tried finding purpose in things that failed me. 

For me, these past few months have greatly shown me how beautiful God is and how marvelous His works are. I've learned that I can't walk by my emotions, the things I can or cannot see, circumstances, thoughts, the reactions of others. Honestly, close to three years ago, I was in a period where I didn't understand why certain things happened in many aspects of my life. It was downright frustrating because the way I envisioned my life was NOT how it was working out. Yes, I recognized I was blessed in certain aspects, but I couldn't see how God was working in my life. When I made the choice to wholeheartedly follow Jesus, I didn't realize God would take me on a faith journey.

I am literally in awe at how God has opened many doors that I thought closed in my face three years ago. None of this is because I am more "blessed" or because I did the "right" things, I realized that it is simply because God calls us to truly and fully lay every situation at His feet. It means believing for that next step even when you can't even fathom how to maneuver. Three years ago, I used to cry myself to sleep not understanding why I was called to do a certain job, live in a certain city, make new friends, find a new church, anxiously wait as a single woman.

I just want to encourage one person to believe in His faithfulness. No matter how big the vision, how crazy the promise, or how delayed these things may seem - trust that His faithfulness is soooo crazy that He and He alone can make these things work out. He does these things NOT for me or for you, but for HIS purpose and His glory. None of these things are about me. Yes, I may be happy, but I ultimately want to lay them back at His feet for Him to do His will with them <3 . Friends, this isn't about us - it is about giving the Kingdom so much glory with our lives, jobs, relationships, hobbies. 

 Trust that yes, even though a dream, vision, or a promise may seem a little irrational, nothing is impossible with His crazy faithfulness <3

& Me

Esther saved her people.

Hannah made a vow.

Mary birthed the King of Kings.

Ruth was a loyal friend.

I just wanted to stop by and tell a little of my story for the And Me, which is a campaign created by Kellee and her husband Dave. I've been following their story since Jan 1, 2015 after their elopement was posted on Munaluchi Bride's instagram. I was  deeply inspired for their love for Jesus and one another. When Kellee announced this campaign in December, I jumped at the opportunity to purchase one for my sis and I! I posted a picture in this shirt last week at Intervarsity's Urbana 2015 in St. Louis, but I didn't have an opportunity to tell my story in the midst of the packed week. Right now, I want to take the time to tell a little of my testimony. 

And Me? Me? Apart of God's story?

If you would've asked me this between Fall 2009 to 2011, I would have laughed in your face. Though I was raised as a Christian, I quickly forgot about God's sovereignty and pursued a life for myself. In college, I pursued things that I thought would give me power and status. I found my identity in great grades, guys, friends, my body/looks and what others thought of me.  I created idols out of these things and my heart was so hardened to God's voice. 

Even then, God still beckoned for me. In Fall 2011, those idols began to crash. I found myself in a whirlwind of confusion. One of my majors challenged me and I wasn't making perfect grades. I attended parties with the intentions of finding the perfect guy. I still didn't feel like I fit in with anyone. I had the hardest time wondering who I was supposed to be friends with on a mostly white campus. I gained and lost weight so fast. I walked around in a fog not knowing that I suffered from depression.I experienced so much emotional turmoil that I couldn't think straight. That winter break, I looked myself in the mirror and I vowed that a change had to occur. I knew I couldn't continue life that way. During that next semester, I joined a local church in Charlottesville and I started attending Intervarsity Christian Fellowship's Oneway chapter. For the first time, I found myself listening to the Word of God. In addition, I created friendships with people who truly loved me. 

During the Summer of 2012, I experienced another idol crashing down. Due to my concern with others' opinions, I took a job I shouldn't have taken. In those moments, I clearly knew I couldn't live at the hand of man-made items and fickle people/emotions. That summer, I spent every night and day studying the Bible. I deleted so much of my old music because I realized the lyrics shaped my thoughts. I started listening to Mali Music and Kari Jobe constantly. That summer I learned that I was God's and I was fearfully and wonderfully made. 

Since then, I have experienced so much peace, love, and joy in my heart. God has provided me with amazing friendships, restored relationships with family, career plans, purpose. I was once was lost...He found me. I wasn't perfect. Quite frankly, I was a hot mess as we say in the South haha. He met me there and changed my life so much in one year. I spent years creating a life for myself and God has orchestrated so many beautiful happenings in my life. I am grateful for the manifestations of some and I can't wait to share others very soon. 

So I just like Esther, Hannah,  Mary, and Ruth, I too am apart of this beautiful, amazing, joyful redemptive story. I am in this beautiful lineage. Every morning I wake up, I embrace it.. I live it...it fuels me.  

Sisters, brothers....you are apart of this story AND guess what? it doesn't matter where you are. It takes a willing heart and God will transform your life. 

At Urbana 15, David Platt delivered an amazing message. He said, "This is the life that counts - a life in love with Christ. Does your heart belong to Christ?"

All of these things....grades...people...plans...money...parties...cars....organizations....they don't matter. Yes, they complement you, but they don't identify you. Those things crumble, your identity is what stands. 

What story will you tell with your life? What identifies you? 

Please know you are already made precious. 

Take care!

xoxo,

Tonyette 

PS,

Want to talk? 

Email me at trw8aw@virginia.edu or follow me/ DM me on Instagram @speak_yoursoul 

Don't forget to breath

So after 3 weeks of chaos including three projects, two papers, two presentations, two finals, two counseling self evals, one research conference presentation, one 25th birthday, one (nasty) cold, I am finally finished with my first semester of graduate school. 

I can't say I was incredibly stressed like I was in undergrad because I know I am fulfilling my purpose. BUT I took it incredibly serious because I want to be the best school counselor I can be for my future students and I am paying for this education.  This semester, we've wrestled with a lot of hard topics including : poverty, school to the prison pipeline, tracking, gender inequity, ethics etc. Throughout this season, I was balancing all of these topics and I realized -  crap - I'm going to be responsible for these kids. By mid November, I spent a lot of time in tears and frustrations. NOT because I didn't think I could do it, but because I knew I needed to see the hard stuff to see my role. I knew I had to balance each piece of this profession. 

But you know...it wasn't until I breathed that I felt like could juggle
 each piece of this journey. I am being pruned and shaped for this position. 

Funny how the last four weeks are representative of life's struggles. We may get so bogged down in the many roles we have, the weight of the responsibilities...that we forget to breath.  We forget to see that the challenges we are facing or the journey we are taking are ultimately transforming us for the next step in life. We get caught up in the busyness of life...we don't breath, pause, and reflect.

Today, I randomly attended a yoga class and for the first time in three years, I finally appreciated the fullness of my breathing. Instead of focusing on my instructor twisting us into pretzels, I listened to her cues for breathing in and breathing out. I controlled my breathing....one...two...three...breath in....one...two...three...breath out. I felt the rise and fall of my chest...the expansion of my belly. Before I knew it, my mind was incredibly still. I didn't focus on the challenging poses, I focused on my breathing.  It was empowering to be in tune with the very faculty that gives us the blessing of life everyday.

Yes...the three weeks of chaos came and went. I definitely learned a great deal about balancing the great deal of information. Finals week(s) reminded me that it won't get easier. Life will throw many responsibilities and challenges at me. Life will throw many responsibilities and challenges at you. How will we deal? I will suggest sitting down to think about what makes you happy. Create a wellness plan for dealing with craziness and busyness (#selfcare) AND stick with it. 

Don't sacrifice your well-being for work and things that will always be there.

Instead,
    pause
    care for yourself
    and...
    don't forget to breath <3 

“The Lord Almighty has sworn, ‘Surely, as I have planned, so it will be and as I have purposed, so it will stand.’” — Isaiah 14:24

#tbt

Today,  I am reflecting on how far I've come as a person. The other day I rambled through my jewelry to find this lovely necklace. I begged my parents for a gold nameplate necklace when I was 14. I was obsessed with the nameplate earrings, rings, belt....and I am not ashamed to say I've owned each one of them in my life. The belt is definitely hiding in my closet, but I have all the others in my possession.

I haven't worn this necklace in about 3 years. I wore it briefly as an undergrad, but I stopped wearing it because I felt like it was a fad that no one followed anymore.  Thanks to my mom, she kept it in safe possession and it moved with me in August.

This necklace reminds me of a few things.  I am obsessed with names and labels. I believe there is something so special about a name/label. Even though we don't have much choice over our names at birth, we have the ability to embody those names or tag on definitions. My first name is completely made up lol. I love it though because it carries a piece of my dad. His name is Tony and it is rumored that I may have been named Tony Reginald for a few days. I am so glad my mom tagged on the -ette hahaha.  Good try dad!

I am also reminded of the labels I've embodied as a woman. I have not always seen myself in the most positive light. I've struggled with my personality, my nerdiness, my height, my body shape, my skin...I labeled myself as an outcast. For me, I am so glad that I embody a label that is so much deeper than the eye can see. I am free, redeemed, His, called out, not condemned. Due to the sweet love of my Father and His Son,  my identity is strong and anchored <3. 

This necklace also reminds me of my 14 year old self <3  I was an ambitious, passionate, and spunky little girl. Even though there has been a lot of challenges along the way, I am reminded of the girl who wanted to go to college and change the world. I am grateful for her bravery and resiliency and it has laid a foundation for how I identify and live my life now.

I turn 25 in less than a month and I am so thankful. Today I am choosing hold tight to that young girl and live golden like the shininess reflected off my necklace.

I am golden
        loved
        blessed
        favored

I am Tonyette 

Fall reminders // grow up & strong and embrace your hue

Hi everyone! 

It's been a while since I've posted - graduate school has been really hectic. I finally had some moments tonight where I intentionally took some time for myself. Over the past two weeks, I have been battling with what type of student I was and who I am now.  In undergrad here at UVA, there was definitely this mentality among college students that you have to forsake so much of yourself for the sake of making  a grade. I now know I am much more than a grade and my major. I now know that I am called to be a student for this season. I am Tonyette and I happen to be a graduate student. BUT, I am not defined by it - I define WHY I am here and WHAT I will do with my degree.

 In 2011, I definitely sacrificed my peace in order to be perfect and I blinked and the season changed. I literally....missed....Fall that year. I don't remember what happened, I just remember being in my thoughts and my world. I don't really remember much about anything, I was in a fog. While I am now able to label what happened to me as depression, I believe my actions and striving kept me from truly taking in the little moments of life. I was incredibly sad that I let my favorite season move past me.

 Although my memory was hazy, I remember one event that gave me a sense of hope and stillness. I attended Trick or Treating on the Lawn and as I watched happy children, dogs, and families, I was reminded of the beauty of human connection and love. I remember snapping photos of the entire lawn and I went back to that photo to remind myself to be still. 

On Friday I attended this event and I reflected on my life journey and growth. I laughed with my amazing classmates and witnessed the beauty of human connection and love. I saw the creativity manifested in the costumes and the love in the eyes of parents as they watched their children. The weather was crisp and cool and I felt the crunch of the leaves beneath my feet. Overall, Friday evening reminded me to be still and cherish the moments.

Fall is such a special season for me. It marks a time when I reflect on the last few weeks before my birthday. The scarves, boots, and tights become my besties. Most of all, the colors of the trees remind me of growth and change.  I find it amazing that trees just grow, they don't possess the means for comparison- they grow up and strong. In the fall, each tree is a different color - red, orange, gold, yellow, brown, burgundy, etc. They grow amongst one another, yet they are vastly different. 

I can't help to think that is the way we should look at the world.  Instead of comparing ourselves to the next person, what if we could grow up and strong and embrace our different hues? What if we happily watched our friends and family flourish as we thrive as well?

Don't allow life's circumstances or personal goals to stop you from seeing what is happening around you. Don't allow yourself to blink another moment without being present. 

May your joy be palpable. 

Trick or Treating on the Lawn 2015

Get up, get dressed, embrace the random and live in purpose.

For the past three weeks, I've been battling a really icky and horrible sinus infection. As a result, I just felt like I've been put behind in my relationships, school work, and physical upkeep. I spent the past week, preparing for tests and papers and I literally felt uneasy. I became very overwhelmed by cracking open a school book or researching for my papers. I realized that I wasn't leaning into my purpose and not giving myself grace. 

My friend recently reminded me that we do have to take our crafts seriously in order to fully operate in them. Whether that entails studying for a test, training for a marathon, or working a carnival as outreach, we have to take fully embrace the purpose. Yesterday I was reminded that I can give myself grace as I embrace my purpose.

I woke up and immediately threw on an outfit because I didn't know if I would be meeting my mentor at a cafe that morning or if I would be relocating to study. My mentor held Bible study here at my place and I kept this outfit on. At the end of the study, she told me she liked my outfit and we randomly had a mini photoshoot outside of my living community. I wore the outfit because it made me feel good.  In the randomness of the "shoot" - I was reminded to seize opportunities and embrace the here and now. 

Outfit:

Levi's Jean Jacket

Top from Marshall's 

Skirt from Old Navy 

Heels from J.Crew

Earrings and Necklace from Target 

I'm totally embracing the randomness and the here and now. 

Remember, no matter what season you are in, you still have purpose <3

xoxo,

Tonyette

Outfit of the Day - Darling Edition :)

Hi everyone!

I hope you all are doing well! Just wanted to stop by with a quick OOTD for this beautiful Sunday afternoon.

I can't believe it is almost Fall! I absolutely LOVE this season and the weather. 

Last week a friend and I stumbled upon this beautiful consignment shop called Darling on the Downtown mall in Charlottesville. When I walked in - I was drawn by the layout of the store and just the beautiful, reaffirming sayings on the walls and the dressing room doors for every women to see. The owners are Linnea and Megan and they carefully pick their pieces to fit many different women. In addition, they sell the furniture which holds the clothes, as well as beautiful jewelry, soaps, cards from local artisans. 

All photos taken directly from ShopatDarling.com

This particular shop really sparked my interest in really sharpening my style and my sorta-kinda capsule wardrobe. I am currently in the process of rebuilding my wardrobe. I gave away almost all of my things. It really just hit me that I don't really have the comfort of excess clothing. In August, it felt right because I needed a fresh perspective that was free from clutter. That is still the case right now, but it is a little daunting to have to get creative with my clothes and not spend a lot. 

So when I found out about Darling, I definitely felt like I was at home. I love consignment shops and thrifting, but I really lost touch with it in the last three years. Since I am now rebuilding my closet, it want to carefully purchase things I like for great prices. Darling presented me with an opportunity to do so! 

I knew I needed more white/cream in my closet and I found J.Crew silk blouse for less than 12 dollars! I finally wore it today to church. I love the blouse, but I was having a mental block because I was freaking out about how many clothes I didn't have anymore :/ I decided to pair it with jeans, heels, and a blazer. I really received a lot of compliments and I thought it was really a blessing due to the fact that I didn't think I paired the shirt that well this morning. 

Here's a photo!

I paired the top with an Express blazer (purchased at Marshall's), Levi jeans (purchased at Marshall's) and J.Crew heels (purchased at J.Crew Clearance Center in Lynchburg  VA.) I am loving my new blouse and this will definitely be a staple for the Fall. 

Make sure you check out Darling's website which is full of updates, styling tips, and blog posts.

I also snapped this photo before leaving the store 

I truly believe this is fitting in how we can create beautiful things by exercising our creativity. 

xoxo, 

Tonyette

Sometimes you have to tell the mind to shut up

"Sometimes you have to tell the mind to shut up...."

As I discussed something with Alana on last Saturday, I realized I crafted a scenario that did not even exist. One little thought ricocheted into a huge blob of "what if's" and my mind was on overload.

I have to admit,  this is something that I have always battled. As a young girl, I was placed in a new school environment after we moved to another neighborhood. The schoolwork was very challenging and I begin to suffer from pounding tension headaches, which eventually turned into migraines. In high school, I was constantly on the edge because I wondered whether my school performance was perfect and if I would get into a school. In college, those what if's continued and I wondered whether I would make friends, find a future husband, perform well in my classes....it went on and on. The mind chatter was so constant and I suffered from depression for months.

Isn't it crazy how we know what we are supposed to do, but we don't follow through with them? I knew that I had to crash the chatter, but that little thought poked all me for days. Why do we constantly allow the "what if's" to control and interrupt our present states? 99.9 % of the time these thoughts will never come to fruition.  Negative thoughts lead to stress, anxiety, or depression. They paralyze us and can keep us from moving towards our destinies and purposes.  Let's face it, they serve no purpose for you...no purpose for me. 

I have found several ways to shut up the negative thoughts. Yes, they love to peek back up from there tragic seats, but I have had to learn how to use these techniques to make sure they stay down.

1.) Breath deeply - breathing has been a way to center me and slow my heart rate down if I get upset or anxious

2.) Yoga and meditation - There is something about this two beautiful practices that continue to bless me. I took a meditation class my first year of college and we would literally sit or lay down for 45 minutes and practice throwing out the negative or superfluous thoughts.  In this course, I learned that my mind went through A LOT of thoughts in a minute. I learned to just throw away a thought after I initially pondered it. By the end of this course, my mind was so quiet you all! I literally can picture myself picking the thought out of my mind and throwing it out. This practice is called mindfulness and I recommend visiting this site to learn more about practicing it.  Yoga has also helped me breath and appreciate myself. Practicing yoga not only quiets the mind, it manifests the strength of the body and how each part works together to do a pose. Yoga has allowed me to see the beauty of my body and appreciate life. I really recommend taking one! If you can't get to a class, I recommend downloading an amazing app called Yoga Studio . This app is definitely less than 4 dollars and it has 65 ready made classes and you can also craft your classes to fit your needs. I use this at least once a week!

3.) Write, Write, Write! - I find that writing helps calm my mind from excessive thinking. I carry around my planner and I write down everything I need to do for the day. It has been very bare these days due to summer break, but during those busy weeks and months, my planners holds my thoughts about things I should complete. In addition, I journal to get my thoughts, doubts, hopes, and fears on paper. I usually buy my journals for less than five dollars at Marshalls or Ross.

4.) Set realistic goals - I find that it is so helpful to set realistic goals. When we set very stretching goals, we feel horrible if we fail. I recommend starting small and adding on :)

5.) Get out and get active - Run, walk, bike, or go to your gym! Being active is a great way to get your body in shape and release endorphins to make you feel great. I find that my mind is so quiet after being active

6.) ***Just Added*** Also- realize there are different seasons and times for everyone. Each of our lives are individual and unique. We have different paths and it may look completely different from your friend's or your sibling's and that is okay 


7.) Above all these methods, my faith in God has given me so much perspective when I find myself thinking negatively.  I realized that everything has purpose and that I don't have to fear anything because Christ conquered it all. He conquered my anxiousness, stress, and negative thoughts. I am able to live free because of his beautiful sacrifice <3

When I was going through a very hard time last February, I read Crash the Chatterbox by Steven Furtick. This book addresses the power Christians have to crash the paralyzing lies of the enemy.  Steven states “Because the voice you believe will determine the future you experience.”

Wow! What we believe holds so much weight! If you want to hear him speak more on this topic - visit Here :)


I really hope this is helpful! I truly believe you and I can crush these negative thoughts and flourish <3

I have to rush off to celebrate the 4th with my family. Take care and feel free to comment!

<3,

Tonyette

Courage

The devotional I've been doing for the month of November encouraged me to sit down and really meditate on the meaning of courage this week.Courage means "the ability to do something that frightens one" or "strength in the face of pain or grief"

What I love the most of this word is its Latin roots. It's root word cor which means "heart". At the root of courage is HEART. When you are passionate or love something - your heart is manifested. It takes heart to press in the face of opposition or distress. Heart means having faith even when everyone questions your ability or decision. 

BE COURAGEOUS<3 <3 <3 Take heart and remember your purpose and passion 

Just wanted to stop by and encourage you all.