Fall reminders // grow up & strong and embrace your hue

Hi everyone! 

It's been a while since I've posted - graduate school has been really hectic. I finally had some moments tonight where I intentionally took some time for myself. Over the past two weeks, I have been battling with what type of student I was and who I am now.  In undergrad here at UVA, there was definitely this mentality among college students that you have to forsake so much of yourself for the sake of making  a grade. I now know I am much more than a grade and my major. I now know that I am called to be a student for this season. I am Tonyette and I happen to be a graduate student. BUT, I am not defined by it - I define WHY I am here and WHAT I will do with my degree.

 In 2011, I definitely sacrificed my peace in order to be perfect and I blinked and the season changed. I literally....missed....Fall that year. I don't remember what happened, I just remember being in my thoughts and my world. I don't really remember much about anything, I was in a fog. While I am now able to label what happened to me as depression, I believe my actions and striving kept me from truly taking in the little moments of life. I was incredibly sad that I let my favorite season move past me.

 Although my memory was hazy, I remember one event that gave me a sense of hope and stillness. I attended Trick or Treating on the Lawn and as I watched happy children, dogs, and families, I was reminded of the beauty of human connection and love. I remember snapping photos of the entire lawn and I went back to that photo to remind myself to be still. 

On Friday I attended this event and I reflected on my life journey and growth. I laughed with my amazing classmates and witnessed the beauty of human connection and love. I saw the creativity manifested in the costumes and the love in the eyes of parents as they watched their children. The weather was crisp and cool and I felt the crunch of the leaves beneath my feet. Overall, Friday evening reminded me to be still and cherish the moments.

Fall is such a special season for me. It marks a time when I reflect on the last few weeks before my birthday. The scarves, boots, and tights become my besties. Most of all, the colors of the trees remind me of growth and change.  I find it amazing that trees just grow, they don't possess the means for comparison- they grow up and strong. In the fall, each tree is a different color - red, orange, gold, yellow, brown, burgundy, etc. They grow amongst one another, yet they are vastly different. 

I can't help to think that is the way we should look at the world.  Instead of comparing ourselves to the next person, what if we could grow up and strong and embrace our different hues? What if we happily watched our friends and family flourish as we thrive as well?

Don't allow life's circumstances or personal goals to stop you from seeing what is happening around you. Don't allow yourself to blink another moment without being present. 

May your joy be palpable. 

Trick or Treating on the Lawn 2015

Sometimes you have to tell the mind to shut up

"Sometimes you have to tell the mind to shut up...."

As I discussed something with Alana on last Saturday, I realized I crafted a scenario that did not even exist. One little thought ricocheted into a huge blob of "what if's" and my mind was on overload.

I have to admit,  this is something that I have always battled. As a young girl, I was placed in a new school environment after we moved to another neighborhood. The schoolwork was very challenging and I begin to suffer from pounding tension headaches, which eventually turned into migraines. In high school, I was constantly on the edge because I wondered whether my school performance was perfect and if I would get into a school. In college, those what if's continued and I wondered whether I would make friends, find a future husband, perform well in my classes....it went on and on. The mind chatter was so constant and I suffered from depression for months.

Isn't it crazy how we know what we are supposed to do, but we don't follow through with them? I knew that I had to crash the chatter, but that little thought poked all me for days. Why do we constantly allow the "what if's" to control and interrupt our present states? 99.9 % of the time these thoughts will never come to fruition.  Negative thoughts lead to stress, anxiety, or depression. They paralyze us and can keep us from moving towards our destinies and purposes.  Let's face it, they serve no purpose for you...no purpose for me. 

I have found several ways to shut up the negative thoughts. Yes, they love to peek back up from there tragic seats, but I have had to learn how to use these techniques to make sure they stay down.

1.) Breath deeply - breathing has been a way to center me and slow my heart rate down if I get upset or anxious

2.) Yoga and meditation - There is something about this two beautiful practices that continue to bless me. I took a meditation class my first year of college and we would literally sit or lay down for 45 minutes and practice throwing out the negative or superfluous thoughts.  In this course, I learned that my mind went through A LOT of thoughts in a minute. I learned to just throw away a thought after I initially pondered it. By the end of this course, my mind was so quiet you all! I literally can picture myself picking the thought out of my mind and throwing it out. This practice is called mindfulness and I recommend visiting this site to learn more about practicing it.  Yoga has also helped me breath and appreciate myself. Practicing yoga not only quiets the mind, it manifests the strength of the body and how each part works together to do a pose. Yoga has allowed me to see the beauty of my body and appreciate life. I really recommend taking one! If you can't get to a class, I recommend downloading an amazing app called Yoga Studio . This app is definitely less than 4 dollars and it has 65 ready made classes and you can also craft your classes to fit your needs. I use this at least once a week!

3.) Write, Write, Write! - I find that writing helps calm my mind from excessive thinking. I carry around my planner and I write down everything I need to do for the day. It has been very bare these days due to summer break, but during those busy weeks and months, my planners holds my thoughts about things I should complete. In addition, I journal to get my thoughts, doubts, hopes, and fears on paper. I usually buy my journals for less than five dollars at Marshalls or Ross.

4.) Set realistic goals - I find that it is so helpful to set realistic goals. When we set very stretching goals, we feel horrible if we fail. I recommend starting small and adding on :)

5.) Get out and get active - Run, walk, bike, or go to your gym! Being active is a great way to get your body in shape and release endorphins to make you feel great. I find that my mind is so quiet after being active

6.) ***Just Added*** Also- realize there are different seasons and times for everyone. Each of our lives are individual and unique. We have different paths and it may look completely different from your friend's or your sibling's and that is okay 


7.) Above all these methods, my faith in God has given me so much perspective when I find myself thinking negatively.  I realized that everything has purpose and that I don't have to fear anything because Christ conquered it all. He conquered my anxiousness, stress, and negative thoughts. I am able to live free because of his beautiful sacrifice <3

When I was going through a very hard time last February, I read Crash the Chatterbox by Steven Furtick. This book addresses the power Christians have to crash the paralyzing lies of the enemy.  Steven states “Because the voice you believe will determine the future you experience.”

Wow! What we believe holds so much weight! If you want to hear him speak more on this topic - visit Here :)


I really hope this is helpful! I truly believe you and I can crush these negative thoughts and flourish <3

I have to rush off to celebrate the 4th with my family. Take care and feel free to comment!

<3,

Tonyette