#tbt

Today,  I am reflecting on how far I've come as a person. The other day I rambled through my jewelry to find this lovely necklace. I begged my parents for a gold nameplate necklace when I was 14. I was obsessed with the nameplate earrings, rings, belt....and I am not ashamed to say I've owned each one of them in my life. The belt is definitely hiding in my closet, but I have all the others in my possession.

I haven't worn this necklace in about 3 years. I wore it briefly as an undergrad, but I stopped wearing it because I felt like it was a fad that no one followed anymore.  Thanks to my mom, she kept it in safe possession and it moved with me in August.

This necklace reminds me of a few things.  I am obsessed with names and labels. I believe there is something so special about a name/label. Even though we don't have much choice over our names at birth, we have the ability to embody those names or tag on definitions. My first name is completely made up lol. I love it though because it carries a piece of my dad. His name is Tony and it is rumored that I may have been named Tony Reginald for a few days. I am so glad my mom tagged on the -ette hahaha.  Good try dad!

I am also reminded of the labels I've embodied as a woman. I have not always seen myself in the most positive light. I've struggled with my personality, my nerdiness, my height, my body shape, my skin...I labeled myself as an outcast. For me, I am so glad that I embody a label that is so much deeper than the eye can see. I am free, redeemed, His, called out, not condemned. Due to the sweet love of my Father and His Son,  my identity is strong and anchored <3. 

This necklace also reminds me of my 14 year old self <3  I was an ambitious, passionate, and spunky little girl. Even though there has been a lot of challenges along the way, I am reminded of the girl who wanted to go to college and change the world. I am grateful for her bravery and resiliency and it has laid a foundation for how I identify and live my life now.

I turn 25 in less than a month and I am so thankful. Today I am choosing hold tight to that young girl and live golden like the shininess reflected off my necklace.

I am golden
        loved
        blessed
        favored

I am Tonyette 

Fall reminders // grow up & strong and embrace your hue

Hi everyone! 

It's been a while since I've posted - graduate school has been really hectic. I finally had some moments tonight where I intentionally took some time for myself. Over the past two weeks, I have been battling with what type of student I was and who I am now.  In undergrad here at UVA, there was definitely this mentality among college students that you have to forsake so much of yourself for the sake of making  a grade. I now know I am much more than a grade and my major. I now know that I am called to be a student for this season. I am Tonyette and I happen to be a graduate student. BUT, I am not defined by it - I define WHY I am here and WHAT I will do with my degree.

 In 2011, I definitely sacrificed my peace in order to be perfect and I blinked and the season changed. I literally....missed....Fall that year. I don't remember what happened, I just remember being in my thoughts and my world. I don't really remember much about anything, I was in a fog. While I am now able to label what happened to me as depression, I believe my actions and striving kept me from truly taking in the little moments of life. I was incredibly sad that I let my favorite season move past me.

 Although my memory was hazy, I remember one event that gave me a sense of hope and stillness. I attended Trick or Treating on the Lawn and as I watched happy children, dogs, and families, I was reminded of the beauty of human connection and love. I remember snapping photos of the entire lawn and I went back to that photo to remind myself to be still. 

On Friday I attended this event and I reflected on my life journey and growth. I laughed with my amazing classmates and witnessed the beauty of human connection and love. I saw the creativity manifested in the costumes and the love in the eyes of parents as they watched their children. The weather was crisp and cool and I felt the crunch of the leaves beneath my feet. Overall, Friday evening reminded me to be still and cherish the moments.

Fall is such a special season for me. It marks a time when I reflect on the last few weeks before my birthday. The scarves, boots, and tights become my besties. Most of all, the colors of the trees remind me of growth and change.  I find it amazing that trees just grow, they don't possess the means for comparison- they grow up and strong. In the fall, each tree is a different color - red, orange, gold, yellow, brown, burgundy, etc. They grow amongst one another, yet they are vastly different. 

I can't help to think that is the way we should look at the world.  Instead of comparing ourselves to the next person, what if we could grow up and strong and embrace our different hues? What if we happily watched our friends and family flourish as we thrive as well?

Don't allow life's circumstances or personal goals to stop you from seeing what is happening around you. Don't allow yourself to blink another moment without being present. 

May your joy be palpable. 

Trick or Treating on the Lawn 2015